The Dual Process Model of Grief: Why Healing Doesn't Happen in a Straight Line

If you've ever wondered why you can feel relatively okay one day and overwhelmed by grief the next, you're not alone. Many people worry they're "grieving wrong" because their emotions seem unpredictable.

The truth is that grief is rarely linear.

One of the most respected theories in grief research—the Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement—suggests that healthy grieving involves moving between two different types of coping. Instead of progressing through a series of stages, people naturally shift their attention between mourning the loss and adapting to life after it.

Understanding this model can help you be more compassionate with yourself during one of life's most difficult experiences.

What Is the Dual Process Model?

Developed by psychologists Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut, the Dual Process Model proposes that people cope with grief by oscillating between two types of stressors:

1. Loss-oriented coping

2. Restoration-oriented coping

Rather than staying focused on one or the other, healthy grieving involves moving between both.

Think of grief like breathing. You inhale, then exhale. In much the same way, grief often requires periods of deeply feeling the loss followed by periods of engaging in everyday life.

Loss-Oriented Coping

Loss-oriented coping involves directly confronting the reality of the loss and experiencing the emotions that come with it.

Examples include:

• Crying

• Looking at photographs

• Talking about your loved one

• Visiting the cemetery

• Feeling sadness, anger, guilt, or loneliness

• Remembering meaningful moments together

• Processing painful emotions in therapy

These experiences can be emotionally exhausting, but they are an important part of adapting to loss.

Restoration-Oriented Coping

Restoration-oriented coping focuses on adjusting to life after the loss.

This may involve:

• Returning to work

• Caring for children

• Managing finances

• Learning new responsibilities

• Developing new routines

• Spending time with friends

• Finding new hobbies

• Making plans for the future

These activities are not signs that you've forgotten your loved one. They are signs that you're learning to carry your grief while continuing to live your life.

Why We Move Back and Forth

Many people assume that healing means feeling a little better every day.

In reality, grief often looks more like a pendulum.

You might spend the morning crying while sorting through old photographs and the afternoon laughing with a friend over lunch. Both experiences are part of healthy grieving.

This movement between mourning and restoration is called oscillation, and it allows your mind and body to recover from the emotional intensity of grief while gradually adapting to life after loss.

There Is No "Correct" Balance

Some days you may spend more time focused on your loss.

Other days you may barely think about it until something—a song, a holiday, or a familiar scent—brings the grief rushing back.

Neither experience means you're grieving incorrectly.

The balance often changes over time, and major life events may temporarily shift you back toward loss-oriented coping.

Why This Model Matters

The Dual Process Model helps explain why many common grief experiences are completely normal.

For example:

• Feeling guilty after enjoying yourself.

• Crying unexpectedly months or years later.

• Wanting to avoid talking about the loss some days.

• Feeling emotionally drained after family gatherings.

• Having periods where grief feels less intense.

Rather than seeing these experiences as setbacks, this model views them as natural parts of the grieving process.

When Someone Gets Stuck

Although moving between both forms of coping is generally healthy, problems can arise when someone becomes stuck.

Some individuals remain focused almost entirely on the loss, making it difficult to reconnect with daily life.

Others avoid grief altogether by staying constantly busy or refusing to think about the loss.

Over time, either pattern can interfere with healing.

Therapy can help individuals safely process painful emotions while also developing the confidence and skills needed to adapt to life after loss.

How Therapy Supports Healthy Grieving

Grief counseling doesn't aim to erase sadness or help someone "move on."

Instead, therapy provides support as you learn to move between mourning your loss and rebuilding your life.

A therapist can help you:

• Process difficult emotions.

• Reduce feelings of guilt.

• Develop healthy coping skills.

• Navigate changes in identity and relationships.

• Honor your loved one while continuing to pursue a meaningful life.

• Recognize when grief has become overwhelming or complicated.

The goal isn't to leave your loved one behind. The goal is to find a way to carry your love and memories forward while continuing to grow.

Healing Doesn't Mean Forgetting

One of the greatest fears many grieving people have is that healing means letting go of the person they lost.

The Dual Process Model reminds us that healing isn't about forgetting.

It's about learning to live with loss.

You can laugh again and still miss your loved one.

You can build new relationships and still treasure old memories.

You can move forward without leaving your loved one behind.

Grief changes over time, but love often remains a lifelong part of who we are.

Grief Counseling in Baton Rouge

At Common Solutions Therapy, I provide compassionate, evidence-informed grief counseling for adolescents and adults coping with the death of a loved one, traumatic loss, medical diagnoses, relationship loss, and other significant life changes.

Whether your grief is recent or years old, therapy can help you process your emotions, adapt to life's changes, and find hope while honoring the person or life you have lost.

If you're ready for support, contact Common Solutions Therapy to schedule an appointment.