Finding a Therapist: What to Look For and What to Avoid

Searching for a therapist can feel a little like trying to find the right pair of shoes: something that works well for someone else may not fit you at all. Credentials matter, experience matters, and perhaps most importantly, the relationship itself matters. The right therapist should help you feel supported, respected, and understood while providing tools that help you move toward your goals.

What to Look For

1. A Therapist Who Has Experience With Your Concerns

Not every therapist specializes in the same areas. Some focus on anxiety, trauma, grief, relationship challenges, addiction, or life transitions. If you are seeking support for a specific concern, look for someone whose experience aligns with what you want to work on.

You might ask:

• Have you worked with people experiencing concerns similar to mine?

• What approaches do you commonly use?

• What does treatment typically look like?

2. A Style That Fits You

Therapists vary in how they work. Some are very structured and goal-oriented, while others focus more on exploration and processing emotions.

Consider:

• Do you want practical tools and coping strategies?

• Do you prefer open discussion and reflection?

• Do you want short-term work or longer-term support?

There is no universal “best” style—there is only the style that fits your needs.

3. Feeling Comfortable and Respected

You do not need to immediately trust someone deeply after one session, but you should feel that your concerns are taken seriously and that you can speak openly without fear of judgment.

Healthy therapy often includes:

• Feeling heard

• Clear boundaries

• Mutual respect

• Space to ask questions

• Collaboration on goals

4. Transparency and Professionalism

A therapist should clearly explain practical details such as:

• Fees and insurance

• Scheduling policies

• Confidentiality limits

• Communication expectations

Clear information helps create predictability and trust.

What to Avoid

1. Feeling Pressured or Controlled

Therapy should involve guidance and expertise, but it should not feel like someone is making decisions for you or pushing you toward choices that do not align with your values.

2. Poor Boundaries

Professional boundaries exist for a reason. Examples of concerns might include:

• Frequent inappropriate personal disclosure- This is often seen in the line of addiction counseling and sharing one's "story." It is mostly why I distanced myself from 12 step meetings.

  For example, I will tell clients that I am in recovery from alcohol use. This is an appropriate example of appropriate personal disclosure.

• Unclear communication expectations

• Behavior that feels unprofessional - I am not your friend.

3. Promises of Quick Fixes

Be cautious with statements such as:

• “I can cure this quickly.”

• “This method works for everyone.”

• “You’ll be completely healed in a few sessions.”

Growth and change are often gradual and different for each person.

4. Ignoring Your Concerns

If you repeatedly feel dismissed, interrupted, or unable to discuss what matters to you, it may be worth considering whether the therapeutic relationship is a good fit.

Remember: A Good Fit Matters

Finding a therapist is not only about finding someone qualified; it is also about finding someone you can work with effectively. It is okay to ask questions. It is okay to notice what feels helpful and what does not. And it is okay to decide a therapist is not the right fit for you.

The goal is not finding a perfect therapist. The goal is finding someone who can help you move toward the life you want to build.